I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
