as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
