Just took my morning after pill in the library
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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