i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
