glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
