I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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