So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
