HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
