If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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