im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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