What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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