yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
