I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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