Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
