dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
