My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
