i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
