I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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