Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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