I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
