he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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