so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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