why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
