nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
