Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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