I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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