how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
