i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
