I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
