I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
me + whiskey = a bad person
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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