Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
