I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
