Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
