He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
