What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
