I am puke
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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