Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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