I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so let's talk penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
