I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
