Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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