so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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