I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
