Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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