ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
