Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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