Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
