Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
