I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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