Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
