if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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